On Forgiveness

Forgiveness has a place in every culture and in virtually every spiritual tradition. Different societies have developed rituals and practices through which individuals and communities seek reconciliation.

In Arab society, for example, there is a tradition known as sulha—a structured process of reconciliation intended to resolve conflicts, sometimes even those that have led to cycles of violence and bloodshed. In Judaism, Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, is a day devoted to repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. The Hebrew word kippur derives from kaparah, meaning atonement. The entire month of Elul, and especially the first ten days of the Jewish year, between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, are traditionally devoted to reflection, self-examination, repentance, and asking for forgiveness.

In both Yoga and Buddhism, forgiveness can be practiced in three directions:

asking forgiveness from others for harm we have caused;
forgiving ourselves;
forgiving those who have harmed us.

Although these three forms of forgiveness are interconnected, each involves a different inner process.

Asking Forgiveness for Harm We Have Caused

To ask forgiveness for harm we have caused, we must first acknowledge that we have done something wrong and take responsibility for it. Genuine remorse can then give rise to a sincere and practical determination not to cause similar harm again. This requires a process of inner inquiry: we need to look deeply into the circumstances and inner causes that led us to act as we did.

We also need to acknowledge an uncomfortable truth: the potential for wrongdoing, aggression, and violence exists within every one of us. The seeds are there. Whether they germinate and result in harmful action depends on the conditions and circumstances in which we grow and live.

Only when we fully acknowledge that we are capable of hurting others, and of acting aggressively out of anger, hatred, or fear, can we begin to recognize these seeds of violence and learn how to transform them. From this recognition, a genuine request for forgiveness can arise.

Forgiving Ourselves

Self-forgiveness is the ability to free ourselves from guilt and from endless cycles of self-reproach.

Guilt may be a natural response to having done something wrong, but it does not necessarily serve us. It can keep us trapped in the past, repeatedly reliving what happened. We can regret our mistakes and learn from them, using that understanding to change the way we act in the future. But guilt is directed toward the past—and the past, as we know, cannot be changed.

Some people judge themselves far more harshly than they judge others. This can create enormous suffering, without serving any constructive purpose. Moreover, excessive self-condemnation can make it difficult, or even impossible, to forgive others.

Self-forgiveness does not mean excusing our actions or denying responsibility. It means accepting what happened, learning from it, and allowing ourselves to move forward.

Forgiving Those Who Have Hurt Us

This may be the most difficult form of forgiveness.

Before we can begin, we need to understand what forgiveness is—and what it is not.

Forgiveness is ultimately in our own interest. Continuing to carry anger, hatred, and resentment can cause profound suffering. Forgiveness offers us a way to loosen their grip.
Forgiveness may be a long process. We may need to come to terms with loss, pain, betrayal, anger, or grief. We need to give ourselves time to mourn what we have lost and what will never return.
Revenge and grief take us in very different directions. Revenge is a natural response to being hurt. It can even feel attractive because it gives us an active way to discharge our anger. Yet revenge does not heal the wound; it perpetuates and intensifies the cycle of violence and suffering. Grief, by contrast, is painful and often passive, but through grieving there may eventually come a possibility of healing—and, with it, the possibility of forgiveness.
Forgiveness cannot be forced. Because it is a long process, it requires great patience. We should not try to hurry ourselves toward acceptance or forgiveness. We can forgive only to the extent that we are ready. There may be injuries we cannot forgive now—and perhaps some we may never be able to forgive.
Forgiveness does not depend on the other person. The person who hurt us may never acknowledge what they did or express remorse. We can nevertheless choose to forgive—not because what happened was acceptable, but because we do not want to remain bound to the injury and the pain of the past.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. We do not have to erase the memory of what happened. Rather, we choose not to carry the injury as an ongoing source of hatred or to allow it to determine our actions.

We can also draw inspiration from people who have demonstrated extraordinary capacities for forgiveness. The Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King Jr. are well-known examples. Another powerful example can be found among members of the Parents Circle—Families Forum, an organization of Israelis and Palestinians who have lost close family members in the conflict. Despite experiencing the deepest possible loss, they choose to work toward reconciliation and a different future. Their commitment to forgiveness does not mean that they forget their losses.

Trauma can also become deeply embedded in the body. Somatic practices can sometimes help release experiences and patterns that have become held or “locked” in the body.

There is a well-known saying that expresses the essence of forgiveness: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different.”

The past cannot be changed. Hoping that it could have been otherwise keeps us bound to something that no longer exists. Forgiveness means gradually releasing the suffering, pain, and betrayal of the past, and allowing ourselves to live more fully in the present.

Choosing forgiveness is not easy. But it is possible.

Even under the most inhuman and extreme circumstances, there remains a degree of freedom in how we respond to what happens to us. In the concentration camps, where it might have seemed that every aspect of a person’s humanity and freedom had been taken away, Viktor Frankl observed that one freedom remained: the freedom to choose one’s attitude toward the circumstances.

Frankl wrote:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

The people who comforted others in the camps, shared their last piece of bread, and tried to preserve the dignity of others demonstrated that this freedom could survive even in the most extreme conditions.

One of the greatest forms of freedom is the ability to choose our response regardless of the circumstances.

Another extraordinary example is Etty Hillesum, a young Jewish woman who lived in the Netherlands during the Second World War. Although she had opportunities to save herself, she chose to remain with her people and eventually went to the camps, where she sought to support and encourage others.

When a person is confronted with a situation that cannot be changed—whether a serious illness, imprisonment, or another form of unavoidable suffering—a path may still remain open: the possibility of transforming personal tragedy into a human victory through the attitude one chooses to adopt toward one’s fate.

Forgiveness in Yoga and Buddhism

In Sanskrit, the word Kṣamā means forgiveness, but its meaning is broader than that. It also conveys patience, forbearance, endurance, and the capacity to bear an insult, injury, or difficulty without responding with resentment or retaliation.

In the philosophy of Yoga, forgiveness is not merely an act directed toward another person. It is, first and foremost, a practice of inner liberation. Holding on to anger and resentment can become a kleśa—an affliction that disturbs the mind, binds the practitioner, and obstructs meditation and inner freedom.

Many teachers understand forgiveness as a profound expression of ahiṃsā, non-violence or non-harming. Ahiṃsā is not limited to refraining from physical violence. It also involves ending the inner violence we direct toward ourselves and others when we remain trapped in anger, resentment, and the refusal to forgive.

At this level, it is difficult to practice genuine non-harming without addressing the injuries we carry within ourselves.

In several Haṭha Yoga texts and Upanishads, including the Śāṇḍilya Upanishad and the Haṭha Yoga Pradīpikā, ten yamas are described—five additional ethical restraints beyond the five presented by Patañjali. Here Kṣamā, understood as forgiveness or forbearance, appears explicitly as an ethical quality to be cultivated by the yogi.

The Bhagavad Gītā

In Chapter 16 of the Bhagavad Gītā, Śrī Kṛṣṇa describes the divine qualities (Daivī Sampad) that support spiritual liberation. Among them he includes Kṣamā, forgiveness or freedom from resentment, alongside qualities such as compassion, truthfulness, and freedom from anger.

A traditional teaching attributed to the Bhagavad Gītā expresses the spirit of forgiveness in these words (Translation of Radhakrishnan):

“Vigour, forgiveness, fortitude, purity, freedom from malice and excessive pride-these, O Pandava (Arjuna), are the endowments of him who is born with the divine nature.” XVI.3

Swami Śivānanda of Rishikesh also repeatedly emphasized the connection between Kṣamā and inner peace. He famously described forgiveness as “the ornament of the strong.” Without the willingness to forgive, he taught, the mind cannot become truly peaceful, and deep meditation remains difficult.

The Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh spoke a lot about forgiveness, reconciliation, and releasing ourselves from suffering rooted in the past. He gave practical instructions and practices that help to foster forgiveness; see for example this article.

Practices of Forgiveness

One of the distinctive features of the Eastern traditions is that they offer many formal practices for cultivating forgiveness. These practices are gradual and can be approached step by step.

They are closely related to the cultivation of maitrī, karuṇā, muditā, and upekṣā, described by Patañjali in Yoga Sūtra I.33: friendliness or loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity.

Such practices involve repeating phrases or intentions expressing wishes for happiness, health, peace, and freedom from suffering. In karuṇā, the cultivation of compassion, for example, we may wish that suffering be reduced and, if possible, come to an end.

A Simple Forgiveness Meditation

The following practice can be incorporated into a regular meditation or Yoga practice:

1. Sit comfortably.
Bring your attention to the breath and to the center of the chest, around the area of the Anāhata Chakra.

2. Forgiving yourself.
Bring to mind a situation in which you made a mistake or hurt someone. Silently repeat:

“I forgive myself for what I did not know then. I forgive myself for my limitations.”

3. Forgiving another person.
Bring to mind someone who has hurt you. Try to see this person as another human being, acting from their own limitations, conditioning, or suffering. Silently repeat:

“Just as I wish to be free from suffering, may you also be free from suffering. I release my grievances toward you.”

4. Begin with what is easier.
Forgiveness practices should begin with relatively minor injuries—situations in which the hurt was not overwhelming. Gradually, as our capacity grows, we can bring more difficult experiences into the practice.

Somatic Work: Āsana

Resentment, fear, and anger can have a strong physical component. They may manifest as tension and habitual holding in different areas of the body.

Asana practice can help us become aware of these patterns and, gradually, release some of the tension associated with them. Backbends that open the chest, for example, or practices that create space around the pelvis, may be experienced as particularly supportive when working with emotional holding.

The purpose is not to assume that a particular emotion is literally “stored” in a particular part of the body, but rather to use the body as a doorway through which we can become aware of and work with deeply held patterns of tension and protection.

Non-Attachment: Vairāgya

An important aspect of forgiveness in Yoga is vairāgya—letting go of attachment to the past and of our desire to control another person’s behavior.

Forgiveness is, in part, an acceptance of reality as it is. It means refusing to allow what happened in the past to continue blocking our path in the present.

This requires a considerable capacity for letting go: letting go of anger, resentment, fantasies of revenge, and the wish that the past had been different.

Forgiveness does not mean saying that what happened was right. It does not mean forgetting, excusing, or abandoning our boundaries.

It means choosing not to let the injury determine the rest of our lives.

Ultimately, forgiveness is an act of freedom.